“Do Not Exit Aircraft Whilst Engine is Running!"
Now, you’d have
thought there was nothing particularly ambiguous about that statement, would
you? I mean, with it being riveted to the instrument panel right in front of
your face and everything. Well, it was like this….
I’ve lost a load of
weight lately, in fact I’m now a ‘medium’ in pants and T shirts for the first
time in years. About 2.6 million years
ago me and my wife were at a car boot sale at Banham Zoo and came across a
couple of fantastic vintage hippy jumpers that we just had to have. His and hers – excellent. I think I still wear mine
at least twice a week, I love it but since I became Captain Skinny I’ve also
been able to sneak into my wife's slightly smaller one too – in hers I don’t look
quite so much like Obi Wan.
To this day there’s
a couple of frayed holes in the lower back which is testament to a potentially horrible
close escape I had when I was working as a flying instructor. It’s also
testament to the quality of those elderly garments!
 |
| Note the holes!! |
I’d been teaching a
couple of blokes to fly their own aircraft, a CFM Shadow. It’s a lovely
aircraft to fly with a jet fighter feel to it, bubble canopy, side stick and
sporty performance. Normally, the pilot sits in the front and the passenger in
the rather cramped back seat behind. Unfortunately, this is where the poor
instructor has to sit – fine if you’re 5’1 but not if you're normal size! Getting
in and out makes you feel like you’re auditioning for Mr Bean or something. Forward visibility is quite limited too which
can make landing and taking off from the rear seat extra tricky.
The other
unconventional feature of the aircraft is that it is of the ‘pusher’ type, ie
engine at the rear.
I’d spent a while
doing circuits with one of the owners and he’d pretty much nailed it. He’d
never flown solo before and this was the perfect moment I thought. I broke the news to him as we taxied back across the grass past the clubhouse.
“Okay, I think I
might get out and leave you to it. What do you reckon?”
The usual nervous
jokes and references to soiling himself ensued but he fancied it so I undid my
harness and unlatched the door. He went to shut the engine down but I stopped
him – the aircraft was a bit temperamental to restart and I didn’t want him getting
rattled and breaking his concentration.
“Nah, keep her
running, I’ll just hop out. Remember, no heroics, just one circuit and straight
back in, okay?”
Big thumbs up from
the front seat and I unplugged my headset and went to jump out….
There then followed
one of those awful “oh no!” slow motion sequences of missing my handhold on the
wing strut, falling over backwards and coming to rest in silence on the grass
with a tremendous pain in my arse – literally.
Bloody hell, I’d
fallen into the propeller and stopped the engine with my left buttock!! Bugger
me, no wonder it hurt!
By this time the
poor student had realised the engine wasn’t running. He hadn’t seen my fall
into the prop and just assumed it had cut out. To save messing about and disturbing
his thoughts, I swung the prop by hand, restarted the engine and got him on his way asap.
I limped back to
the clubhouse to a chorus of mickey taking from my colleagues. I took my hippy
jumper off to find a couple of definite witness marks where at least two blades
of the 3 bladed prop had hit me. Bloody hell, if it hadn't been for that thick
wool the injuries might have been horrendous, as it was I got away with some
horrible looking purple and yellow bruises.
“Do Not Exit Aircraft Whilst Engine is Running!”
Ahh, that’d be why
then? Stupid boy!
A few weeks later,
an instructor in France
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